FREE stuff inside!

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Logan had surgery on Thursday, so no, I didn’t do any winning this week. At least not on here. I’d like to think that, considering how badly this pregnancy is starting to kick my butt, I actually won pretty well throughout the whole surgery experience.

Minus the time I almost had to be removed from the PACU because I was crying almost as hard as Logan was, and “That’s…uh, that’s not really going to help him recover, Mom. Do we need to go back to the waiting room?”
I’m just loosely quoting the PACU nurse there.

He’s recovering remarkably well, considering he had four incisions in tender belly areas, and they repaired two minor hernias. He’s also currently begging me to let him poop in his diaper.
I don’t even know.

I’m now 6 weeks, 2 days, and morning sickness is starting into full swing. I’m queasy from the time I wake up in the morning until about 4 pm every day, and I’m getting headaches along with the stomach crap, which I never had with Logan.

On top of the queasiness and hormone-infused headache today, I have a cold and a fever. It’s great. I haven’t had a fever since I was about 12 years old. I am not working this afternoon.

Hyper-paranoid me, I called the Colorado Nurse Line already and asked if a temperature of 99.4° (my normal temperature is around 96.5°, so that’s a fever for me) warranted action  in the direction of some sort of doctor, being that I’m incubating a new little Schinsklet and all. After careful evaluation of my symptoms, I was told that I was a hypochondriac, and not to bother anyone in medicine again until my temperature got to 101°.

Again, I’m paraphrasing…I may have been delirious from my astronomically high fever, and it may not have actually gone exactly like that.

There’s not a lot going on at my house right now, except for the fact that just thinking about the amount of cleaning that is going to have to go into its cleaning in order to get it to a livable state is about to give me an aneurysm. The one positive part of that is that I don’t have to change the cat litter, because I don’t know what toxoplasmosis is, but it’s in cat poop, and I can’t expose the baby to it.

You know where there IS something going on, though? On Amazon. My dear friend, Nuala Reilley, has this series of books that she wrote. The very first book of this series, Autumn Violets, is FREE FOR DOWNLOAD today and tomorrow on Amazon! I’m only about halfway through this book so far, because I’m THE SLOWEST READER OF ALL TIME, but it is EXCELLENT, and you need to go download it right this minute.

Go, download it now.

Seriously.

If you’re still reading, instead of downloading, like I just told you to, let me give you a little more reason to go download this awesome summer read: if she out-downloads her brother (who is also an author, and doing a similar download promotion), he owes her a bottle of wine.

So really, if you have a sibling, you’re contractually obligated to go download her book. In the name of sibling rivalry. DOWNLOAD FOR THE GOOD OF THE CAUSE!

That’s about all I have for today. Enjoy Memorial Day, everyone!

And now, Community bloopers.

Andy didn’t know “midwifery” was a word until today.

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Our first appointment with the new midwife was today. She talks super fast.

I like her a lot, a lot. Very experienced, very knowledgable.

There was no ultrasound today, because 5 weeks, 5 days is “too early to help.” But all the news we got was good.

My pee-stick pregnancy test came back, and I quote, “Screaming pregnant,” so that’s encouraging. Especially because I’ve been spending money on pregnancy tests since the first one came back positive, and I kind of obsessively take them when I’m home by myself to make sure they’re still positive. This will ease my mind for about a week before I have to take another.

Don’t tell Andy.

They took a bunch of blood, and they’ll test for levels of HcG and progesterone, and I’m not sure what else at this point. I can choose to come back for HcG titers two times next week, to make sure it’s doubling, or I can hold off. I haven’t made up my mind yet, but my symptoms are feeling very “normally pregnant,” so I may just wait.

I have another appointment on my birthday (June 14…buy me stuff, guys), when I will be 9 weeks exactly. I’ll have an ultrasound that day, and if everything still looks good, it’ll put my mind to rest much more, because neither of my last two progressed further than 8 weeks.

I have a note that I’m only to do “light duty” at work, due to my “moderate risk” pregnancy, so maybe that’ll take a little stress off.

I’m decompressing right now. Everything is good so far. Even the headaches, the mood swings, the GI discomfort, the peeing every two hours, the nausea, the sensitivity to smells…it’s all really good.

[huge sigh]

How’s everyone else doing?

And then I was a swimsuit model.

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Remember when I told you I had writing-related news? Well, this is it!

That’s me!

This week (May 21 – May 25) is National Swimsuit Confidence Week, and Curvy Girl Guide has teamed up with Land’s End to make women of all shapes, sizes, and statures feel beautiful…in their bathing suits!!

Check me out, along with all of my fellow Curvy Girl writers, in our HOT Land’s End bathing suits. Feel free to “Ooh” and “Ahh,” maybe even do a little cat-calling, and DEFINITELY leave comments. Of course, we also want to see YOU rocking a hot swimsuit of your own, so don’t hesitate to share your photos as well!

Also, we’re having a Twitter Party to celebrate!

Join Lands’ End and SELF Magazine each day May 21 – 25, 2012 from 12:00 – 1:00 p.m. CDST and participate in a series of National Swimsuit Confidence Week events on Twitter.   The weeklong movement was created to celebrate women of all shapes and sizes as well as educate and inspire them to embrace their swimsuit beauty and have fun this summer.  Each day Lands’ End will give away 6 – $50 Lands’ End gift cards each day!

Hashtag “CONFIDENCE” and follow/respond to Tweets from the following to be eligible to win:

@LandsEndPR
@SELFMagazine
@LEprMichele
@LEprMariella
@LEprMolly
@CurvyGirlTweets

(And me, even though I can’t give you anything…@_partoftheplan)

I’m so, so proud and blessed to be a part of such an AMAZING team of beautiful, confident, intelligent, and often hilarious women, who are spreading the message that it’s okay to love your body, no matter what size you are!

As I said in my most recent Curvy Girl Guide article (yes, this is shameless self-promotion):

Healthy is beautiful. Strong is beautiful. Confident is beautiful. And forget [the media], because I am beautiful!

Now go strut your swimsuit STUFF!

On my sanity, or relative lack thereof.

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I have a headache, I’m bloated, I think I’m moody (Andy’s too scared to say so, but I can take a hint), I pee, like, every two hours, I think my peristalsis is being slowed down by my progesterone (look it up), my top half is quite…uncomfortable, and I am E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D.

But despite all of that, I’m going to be honest with you…I’ve been a little worried the last few days, because at 3 weeks, 2 days through 3 weeks, 4 days, I was nauseous. It built, and got way worse, until The Avengers, where it was absolutely unbearable. But the next day, it was gone. Right around the dates that I was told by the doctors that my last two babies stopped progressing, I got RIDICULOUSLY nauseous. Like, collapse-on-the-floor, cry-in-the-fetal-position nauseous. And while that was, looking back, more excruciating pain and sickness than pure nausea (which is all I felt at the theater last week), I worry.
I know, it’s bad for me and the baby. I’m really trying to stop and just not think about anything. Seriously, nothing at all.

I have an appointment with a new midwife (just finding one who’s currently accepting my insurance, who was more than just a GYN was THE BIGGEST pain in the butt) on Tuesday, and I’m trying not to think of anything at all between now and then besides soothing sax music, waves lapping peacefully on a white sand beach, and Arby’s roast beef sandwiches. You know, so as not to stress unnecessarily.

All I want is an ultrasound that shows positive baby growth.
All I want is to know my baby is still actually alive and progressing.
I know there won’t be much to see at 5w4d (my best guess, judging by dates nobody wants to hear about), but all I want is to know it’s on track.

On a lighter note (and to give you all a laugh at my expense), I’ll tell you a little story.

I can’t think of anything that sounds appetizing that doesn’t require me leaving my house, driving around, and spending money that we don’t necessarily have to spare. All I want is Arby’s and raw vegetables, and we don’t have either at our house (the latter because I ate them all already). It’s almost like I’m hungry, but I have no appetite, and it’s really not fun.
Andy made dinosaur chicken nuggets for Logan and me to split at lunchtime.
He put them on a plate with a bunch of barbecue sauce on it.
I picked it up to bring it to the table to eat and I seriously had to fight bursting into tears.
Why? I’m not really sure. Something about my amazing husband being nice enough to make food for us to share.

I’m going insane.

Luckily, though, it’s a much easier to manage kind of insane than last time.
Is it Tuesday yet? I need a nap. And #2 combo from Arby’s, with jalapeño poppers.
Please and thank you.

Parental #WINNING Wednesday, May 16

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It’s super easy this week, guys.

Take pictures of your kids while they sleep.

DON’T MAKE IT WEIRD, IT’S TOTALLY NOT WEIRD AT ALL.
If it’s your own kid, general opinion is that taking pictures of them sleeping isn’t creepy
It’s cute. And (especially in cases of pictures like the top one) potentially leverage for later in their lives.

Also, in the past week or so, I have taught my child several very important phrases. Phrases you should all be teaching your children, as well. Here are two of them:

Phrase 1: Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire!
This one took Logan a little while to get, but when he did, the hilarity was totally worth it. It now comes out as, “Goodness, gwacious, don’t touch the fire, hot!”
I know, right? Hilarious.

Phrase 2: Dolla’ dolla’ bill, y’all!
My son has recently become OBSESSED with “monies.” He carries change around in one hand, and usually batteries in the other, every chance he can. I don’t know what it is about coins, but he loves them. Well, the other day (and I don’t even remember why), I taught him to say “Dolla’ dolla’ bill, y’all!” At first he looked at me like I was insane, but now he yells it every time he sees paper money.
Here’s the best part of this one: when Andy and I had been dating about 6 weeks, he took me to Denver and some of the surrounding area for a tour of where he grew up, where he went to high school, etc. We ended up in Bailey/Pine and “broke into” his family cabin (which was at one time owned by the Roosevelt family). Afterwards, we went to a little saloon nearby, called The Bucksnort. It’s one of those hole-in-the-wall, tack-a-signed-dollar-bill-to-the-ceiling places. So that’s exactly what we did.

We revisited Bailey/Pine, the cabin, and The Bucksnort for Mother’s Day this year (almost exactly four years later). Our dollar bill is still pinned to the wall, and when I pointed it out to Logan, he shouted, “Mommy, it’s dolla’ dolla’ bill, y’all!”

Every day, I win.

Two pink lines and a choice.

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**WARNING: CONTAINS AVENGERS SPOILERS** but nothing important…you’ll see why.

I love Iron Man.

I love Thor.

I love the Hulk (although he was much better when he was Edward Norton).

I love Captain America.

Hawkeye and Black Widow I could take or leave, but the others…some of the best movies I have ever seen. Ever.

So, naturally, put them all together in one movie, and you will have THE BEST MOVIE EVER EVER EVER OMG SO EPIC.

I was beyond excited when Andy and I had an afternoon to ourselves (with Logan at my parents’ house), and got the opportunity to go see The Avengers in 3D at a theater near our house. I had a basket of chicken fingers with ranch, and a cup of coffee right before the movie started.

It was amazing. Hawkeye was brainwashed, Tony Stark was hilariously pompous (and sexy), Black Widow kicked major butt, Thor was unintentionally HYSTERICAL, and Captain America was adorably befuddled, after spending 70 years as an Avengercicle.

And then it happened, right when the action started. Nausea bowled me over out of absolutely nowhere. I could smell every ingredient in Andy’s quesadilla, and they were all making me sick. Looking at the last chicken strip in my basket was making my stomach lurch. After about ten minutes of desperately trying to mind-over-matter it out and force myself to feel better, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I sprinted to the bathroom.

Long story short, I spent the last forty-five minutes of this movie, which I’ve been waiting to see since the end of Captain America, crouched over a public toilet (a super fun experience, let me tell you), crying, and then we got vouchers to come back to see it again. So…half-win, I guess?

We came home (I sat in the passenger’s seat in my own car, with my head hanging out the window, and a bag in my lap…just in case), and I laid down on the couch. I wasn’t late yet, but Andy and I talked it over, and decided I should take a pregnancy test, because I’d been nauseous for three days.

And, well, you know how that turned out.

As of today, I am four weeks and four days pregnant. I’ve had a couple cravings already (raw vegetables and Arby’s), I’m soooooo exhausted (I forgot about the part of this where I wake up every two hours overnight to pee, feeling like I just played chicken with a Peterbilt), and I’m having some other uncomfortable hormonal changes already. Which is all kind of weird, since I was eight days late with Logan before I was having enough symptoms to convince me to take a test.

It’s generally considered bad luck or bad etiquette or bad something to announce a pregnancy before the first trimester is over, because the risk of miscarriage is the highest before thirteen weeks’ gestation. And obviously, I know that firsthand, because I lost my last two pregnancies at ten weeks.

So why on earth would I announce my pregnancy so early on? Am I trying to curse myself? Am I just trying to be annoying like Kourtney Kardashian, when she announced her second pregnancy at nine weeks, because she “felt confident” about it? Am I just a chronic over-sharer who needs to tell everyone every thought that goes through my head and every single piece of news that happens in my life?

Nope, it’s none of the above.

Okay, so maybe it’s a little bit of the last one.

When I got pregnant in March 2011, Andy and I announced it about a week after we found out.  Friends, family members, and even just acquaintances were supporting us, rooting for us, and praying for us. Then, when we found out, at 10 weeks, that the baby had stopped progressing at six and a half weeks, we were incredibly devastated. Announcing the loss to EVERYONE really, really sucked…a lot. But the outpouring of love, prayers, support, well wishes, etc was so overwhelmingly positive, and definitely helped us heal.

After we found out I was pregnant in August 2011, we decided that this time we wouldn’t tell anybody, so we wouldn’t run the risk of having to make that announcement all over again. Our parents didn’t know. Our siblings didn’t know. Our friends didn’t know. Basically nobody knew who hadn’t asked me to drink with them. We thought it would be easier. We thought I would just make it to thirteen or fourteen weeks with no problem, like I did with Logan. Everyone has one miscarriage, but that’s all. There would be no problems with this pregnancy.

But then there were problems. Horrible, heartbreaking problems, which I’m absolutely terrified of running into again. Pregnancy-ending problems.

So I lost another baby. One that made it even further in its gestation than the first one I lost. And I had nobody to talk to about it. I was alone. I called off of work. I ignored my phone. I cried. I took the pain medication they gave me after my D&C…a little too quickly, and too much at a time. It sent me into a depression, and I had never felt more alone. I had no idea how to bring up the subject with anyone, because…how would that go?

Hey, so I was pregnant.

“Was”?

Yeah, until the other day.

Um…congratulations and I’m sorry?

I just couldn’t do it. And I’m not the kind of person who can just keep something like this away from everyone. I need to talk things out. Always. It’s why I write, and part of why I probably need therapy. So, I decided not to gradually tell one person at a time, because, seriously, how does “I was pregnant, but now I’m not anymore, and I’m super depressed, and I really just need someone to rant at and cry to” come up in natural conversation? Instead, I decided to write about it, and there was an outpouring of support…again. I got so many comments and e-mails, thanking me for writing about my experience, and so many women told me their own stories. I felt so supported and loved and connected. I felt so encouraged to get through this horrible situation, yet again, because I knew I was helping other women feel less alone.

So, as much as going through two miscarriages was AWFUL, and even writing about them, and thinking about them makes the bottom drop out of my stomach, and literally makes my heart ache, the part of these experiences that has been the most cathartic, and the most healing was sharing it. Sharing my journey through two stunningly easy conceptions, and two heartbreakingly inevitable losses. Talking through it with friends and family. Writing about it pretty much everywhere I could.

So when that test came back positive, Andy and I had a choice to make: who do we tell, and how long do we wait to tell them?

I told Andy that I need the support. I need to share. I need to vent my excitement and my worries. And if, God, please, forbid it, we should lose another one…I need friends and family to go through it with me. He gave me the green light to share with whoever I needed. I have never, ever felt as supported by him in a decision of mine as I did with this one. And that’s saying a lot, because Andy basically supports me in EVERYTHING I decide.

Friends, family, readers, commenters, interacters, lurkers, and even casual passersby who happen to have made it this far in this post…all of that…that’s why, despite the two horrendously painful losses I’ve had in the last year (I lost my first baby the day before Mother’s Day last year), I have decided to share this news with you so early in the course of my pregnancy. Because I kind of need you.

So…what do you say? Go through this with me?

Mother’s Day News

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The pictures are blurry…

but the message is very clear.

We are expecting again.

We are unbelievably nervous and excited. I am very early in this whole gestation thing – only four and a half weeks.

I have a lot, lot, lot to talk about (especially why I’m announcing this so early, after the losses I’ve had…I feel like I owe some people an explanation), and I would have told you all about it today, but it’s Mother’s Day and my amazing husband has surprises for me that we need to get to.

I have other, writing-related news as well. But I need the go-ahead from certain powers that be on when I can spill those particular beans.

Husbandbot 5000 is chomping at the bit to get out the door.

So much more to come…stay tuned!!